


Keep Coming Up With Love

by nowhiteflaguponmydoor



Category: MASH (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s02e06 Kim, Gen, M/M, Not Beta Read
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-08
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2020-04-12 13:48:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19133275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nowhiteflaguponmydoor/pseuds/nowhiteflaguponmydoor
Summary: A coda to "Kim".





	Keep Coming Up With Love

**Author's Note:**

  * For [daylight_angel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/daylight_angel/gifts).



> Title from "Under Pressure" by Queen and David Bowie.  
> Shoutout to Day for help with the title.

Trapper is so, so glad for Kim that his mother is alive. Really, he is. 

That doesn’t change the fact that he really loves the kid, and had been so excited that he’d be getting a chance to have a son, to give the little boy a chance at a better life, away from this war-torn country. He was thrilled Lou had agreed. (His wife sometimes drives him nuts, and even though they hadn’t married for love, they do love each other in their own ways.)

He’s absolutely exhausted, and heartbroken by the events of the day. He’s never been more afraid than when he realized Kim was in the fucking minefield, and Henry’s bumbling attempts to talk him through what was actually Berlin hadn’t helped. He’s tired, bone-deep tired, and even if he’s really glad that Kim is safe and back with his mom, his heart hurts. 

He’s been in the Swamp since Hawkeye dragged him back and poured him a martini, but so far he hasn’t touched it yet. Hawk went to check on some patients in post-op but had said he wouldn’t be gone long. Luckily Frank has the post-op shift tonight so they won’t have to deal with Ferret Face, at least. Hawkeye had thrown a worried glance over his shoulder at Trapper before he’d exited the tent, and it made John feel bad for worrying him, but not bad enough that he could bring himself to say anything. 

He’s not sure how long he lies on his cot, just staring at Hawk’s side of their tent, not really seeing anything. It’s starting to get dark out when Hawkeye returns. He sighs when he sees John in the same position as he left him, and goes to stand in front of him. 

“Hey, Trap. How ya doin’?” 

Trapper can’t bring himself to speak. He hasn’t said anything since they came back to the Swamp, but he’s just too tired and too upset. He just shakes his head. Hawkeye frowns. 

“Want me to leave you alone?” 

Trap shakes his head again. 

“Okay, Trap,” Hawk says, softly. He toes off his boots and comes around the the other side of the cot and slips in next to Trapper, lying down beside him and wrapping his arms around him as best as he can. He pets Trapper tenderly, rubbing a hand over his chest, down his arm, and eventually smoothing through his thick curls. Trap still doesn’t say anything, but leans into Hawk’s ministrations, whining softly when Hawk’s hand runs through his hair. 

“It’s alright, Trap, I’m right here. I’ve got you.” 

Hawk’s voice is so soft, and Trapper thinks of the time that Tommy Gillis died on Hawkeye’s operating table. How Trapper had held him as he cried, and told him the same thing. Kim isn’t dead, but why does it feel like a piece of him has been ripped away? 

A quiet sob escapes before Trapper can hold it in. Hawkeye’s hand finds his cheek, gently stroking it. 

“It’s okay, Trap,” Hawkeye whispers. “It’s just you and me. You can let it out, it’s okay.” 

Trapper sniffs and shakes his head, but lifts his hand to cover Hawkeye’s.

“You were so brave today, Trap,” Hawk says quietly, “So brave. But it’s just us now, and you can drop the mask.” 

He’s quiet for a while, still stroking Trapper wherever he can. Eventually, Trapper feels ready to face him, and turns over, pressing his forehead to Hawk’s collarbone and just breathing. Hawk holds him tighter, and after a while, something in Trap just breaks. His shoulders start to shake and there’s tears falling, and he’s trying so hard to be quiet, to muffle the sobs that spill out of him into Hawk’s chest, as he finally lets out the grief that’s been building since he watched Kim drive away with his mother this afternoon. He’s happy for the kid, he really is, but it hurts, and god, what’s he gonna tell Louise? The thought makes him ache. She’ll be so disappointed, and so will the girls, who were thrilled at the prospect of having a little brother. 

Hawkeye holds him through it, a quiet but steady presence, exactly what he needs right now. John’s not usually one for showing emotion; he tries so hard to be strong for others: Lou, the girls, Hawkeye...but it’s like the events of today have tripped something inside of him, and he cries; he cries for himself, for Lou, the girls, Kim, and all of the kids who’ve been affected by this stinking, rotten war. 

Hawk doesn’t shush him or tell him it’s all going to be okay, just lets Trapper cry it out into his shirt. He rubs his back and keeps his other hand in Trap’s hair, his chin resting on top of the curls. Trapper has Hawk’s shirt in a death grip, but Hawkeye doesn’t seem to mind. He rocks them ever so slightly to and fro and presses a kiss to the top of Trap’s head. Finally, the tears begin to slow, and the sobs come further and further apart until they’ve stopped altogether. Hawkeye pulls back just enough to be able to see John’s face, brushes a stray tear away with his thumb. “I’m sorry, Trap,” he says. 

John sniffs. “Guess it wasn’t meant to be.” He hides his face against Hawk’s chest. “Thanks, Hawk.”

Hawkeye lets out an amused scoff. “You don’t have to thank me, Trap,” he says, giving him a little shake. “I—I’m just glad that you’re here. And that I’m here with you.” His hands run up and down the length of Trap’s torso and arms, like he’s reassuring himself that Trapper is really here. “I was so afraid for you.” The confession is quiet, like he didn’t even mean for it to come out. 

Trapper nestles even closer to Hawkeye. “Yeah, I...I was too, Hawk.” He takes a couple of breaths, steadying himself. It’s not easy to admit when he’s scared, even here, in the middle of a war zone, where you’d have to be crazy not to be scared. But today, in the minefield, he was terrified, and when Hawk had told him very seriously not to move, he knew that Hawk was scared too. They’re both quiet for a while, and Hawkeye rubs his back. Finally, Trapper speaks again.

“I’m glad it all worked out, ya know. Glad Kim found his ma. But…” He trails off and shakes his head. 

“It’s okay to be upset, Trap. S’okay that it hurts.” 

John sighs and sniffs, still a little watery. He lets go of Hawkeye’s shirt and turns in his arms, curling up. Hawkeye lets him go, and is still for a few moments before Trap reaches for his arm and draws it around his waist. Hawk holds him, spooning up behind him again. John breathes out a long sigh,and his shoulders sag a little bit. He’s wrung out, but there’s almost a relief to it.

“Sorry for gettin’ your shirt wet.”

Hawkeye shakes his head. “You can get my shirt wet anytime, okay?” 

Trapper trails his fingers lightly up and down Hawk’s arm where it’s slung around him. He’s exhausted, suddenly on the verge of sleep. “Whatever you say, Hawk.” 

“I mean it. If nothing else, it’ll save me a trip to the launderer’s.”

That earns him a soft laugh. “Terrible.” 

Hawkeye chuckles quietly, and it’s the last thing Trap hears before he drops off into sleep, heart just a tiny bit lighter than it had been before.


End file.
